ANY help I can get on this subject would be GREATLY appreciated! My daughter just turned 14 (on Oct 2nd). She HATES it here in France. She is having a hard time at school and has not made any friends here. She has aquaintences at school, but nothing and no one to "hang out" with outside of school. She is a bit shy, but only for, like, the first 5 minutes, if you know what I mean. As any parent knows, our first priority is to keep our children healthy, and a big part of being healthy is being HAPPY. I don't know what to do. I fear she resents me for making her move here. Any Suggestions?
Thanks -Kim

You didn't mention how long you've been in France but it sounds like a rather recent move. She's at a tough age to move anywhere new so I think part of this is pretty normal. It takes some time at any new school before one can work out who new friends might be, and also, most importantly, to find extra-cirricula activities where you really meet people.

Does she have many out of school activities yet?

Vicki2,
Thanks for replying... We have been here since Feb '05. The biggest problem Mandy has is the language barrier. I'm right there with her on that one. She, however, is very fortunate since she is learning at school. On the other hand, she says I'M fortunate because I don't have to go to school & deal with all she has to deal with. This language barrier is what is preventing her from being herself (according to her), so it is hard to reach out and make friends. No, she goes absolutely nowhere unless it is with me. I want her to enjoy this new experience and get all she can out of it. Life is strange, who knows where we will be tommorow? This is how I try to get her to lighten up on this whole "France" thing. She got to the point this year with so many added & new classes (last year she had short days, this year 8am-5pm), that she has been having anxiety attacks. She literally cries and begs me to let her stay home from school. I've spoken with her teacher from last year (thank God, she is what a REAL teacher is supposed to be- she truly cares about each of her students) and she has revised Mandy's schedule so she is less overwhelmed. Now, thankfully, she at least is willing to TRY some of the new classes. It was just too much at once.
Wow, I'm really going on and on. Please forgive me. I really appreciate any insight you can share.
Thanks again. -Kim

So, you've been there a year and a half? I'm surprised that Mandy hasn't picked up more French just from osmosis if nothing else ...especially being around so many kids who do speak the language.

My instinct tells me from what you've written that the resistance to being in France is overwhelming the process of settling in and getting into the routines that kids usually get into. It kind of sounds like you're not too happy there either. Am I wrong? If so, I apologize.

Have you thought about a little counseling for her? That might help her confront her unhappiness. Some kids just need more stability and routine.
So if it doesn't become better, a boarding school might be a solution too, especially if you're moving around quite a bit. It sounds like it's been a hard move for you all. So sorry.

Thank you, Vicki2. Actually, there is SO much more to the story. I feel like I've gotten to know you a bit by reading your posts. I've just discovered you and I are from the same general area. I'd really like to talk/type with you, but alot of this is rather personal, so I'm sure you understand this is hardly the place. Any way we might have a more private discussion?

... Any way we might have a more private discussion?

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Have you considered sending Mandy to an international school where she can mingle with English speaking or American friends for a year or two?

Teenage years are crucial, Mandy's social development should take precedence over schooling and academic progress. All that can come later...

If a child is not happy and enjoying life they can't learn a foreign language (its tough enough being a brooding complicated teen in your own country) ...only close friendships allow a teenager to feel part of a community, if that friend speaks their native language so be it, they will eventually mingle with the local boys and girls :]

My apologies if I come across as insensitive, I have come across many, many expat families with similar problems - for kids over the age of about 10, friendships and 'belonging' are paramount. For littler kids its so much easier...
eg OMG do you like PUPPIES? ME TOO! lets be FRIENDS FOREVER :] :]

Thank you for the advice, and for caring enough to try to help. In fact Mandy IS in an Intl school, but sadly, there are no other English speaking kids her age. At least, none she is aware of. Her teacher has been trying to help, too, and she is watching out for any new students who might fit the bill, so to speak.
I agree on the importance of social skills at this tender age, as I can remember my own awkward teenage years clearly (and sometimes painfully).
I really need to help Mandy find some activities outside of school, like Vicki2 suggested, where she can associate with people her own age, with similar interests. It's breaking my heart to know all she is missing out on.
By the way, you certainly do NOT sound insensitive. You may, in fact, be the first person to agree with me on the issue of her happiness over her academics (at least temporarily, anyway). I know how important an education is. But how much can she learn if she's shut herself off?
Again, (and again and again) thank you for your advice and your kind understanding.

Have you checked out the local school and asked if there are English children there or even American? The schools in our village have quite a few and they do seem to help one another at least initially after that it is up to the child of course. International schools are fine if you don't want to integrate, but it seems like your girl may be missing out because of it. I hate to emntion it as it could be your attitude that is doing it. Sorry don't want to pry but kids do rather take on the parents thoughts.

I really do know how hard it is for people to adjust to new places and teens are the worst.